Todays Joke: Things my Mother taught me.

Moms are great teachers. As mine did, I'm sure your Mom
taught you some of these same rules in life...enjoy!

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to CRY ABOUT!"

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til those lima beans are gone!"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"