I am

Ah. I haven't posted much, have I?

Life is... not what i want it to be. Aimless, and abso-f*cking-lutely screwed up.

I'm beginning to doubt.

What am i studying. Why am i in this course in the first place. I have no interest. I guess i'm realistic. Too realistic. prospects? what prospect? everything is going down. IT sector is sinking, and i have no head for business. Gawd, what am i going to do when i graduate? I wish i had looked around more when choosing a course. Maybe i should have gone into some media course, i would have been happy.

These days, i'm hanging around friends who are design students. Guess i wanted to be closer to my hopes. But yet, i feel utterly out of place yet belonging at the same time. They're all mad, and i'm not so crazy around them. But they are... closer to one another... they are the same, whereas me... i am not...

Not making sense am i?

Certainty is a feeling that i long for. That what i am doing is what i want. That my life is going to be ok. That i will find someone. That i will get to go into university. That i will make it. That i can change and make a difference.

But.

I am not even certain that i can even get past this semester.

My peer mentor pulled me aside the other day, to have a private talk with me. "Don't get influenced and stop trying. I see the signs, i know you are a good student. If there's anthing you need to talk about, I'm always available"

If only she knew. if only she was around earlier.

If.

i think I'm reading too much angsty fanfics...