Closure.

You're never gonna read this cos you don't care. But hell, i need to say it out.

What was it about blogs again? Oh yeah, "I have a mouth, but i can't scream. So i blog"

***

Sometimes, i wish i wasn't me.
then i won't have stupid feelings, i won't be stupid, i won't be foolish... i won't care.
but i do.

you took away all the words that we wrote for one another.
And i died a little that day.
I think i am still dying.

I'm finally ok, but i'm not.
I care, but i hurt more.
Maybe one day it might be the other way around.

And then maybe one day, i can really see you for who you are.
And you can see me for me, and not a substitute, a spare tire, someone who'll always be there to be emotionally abused.

I am not a plan b.

I always end up the someone after someone.
And i am tired of being that person.
I don't know who i am anymore.
I don't blame you. I was just angry that you didn't want to talk to me.
Tell me straight.

I had to hear it from someone else.
Did you think that she wouldn't tell me?
She's my friend too. And she wants me to be happy too.

You said you didn't fall in love easily.
Did you lie about that?

I was willing to be the person you could lean on.
But you didn't want to lean on me, you pushed me away instead.

I think too much, i obsessed the whole time. Obsessed to the point that i know you blocked me on msn, to the point that i was willing to stalk your friends to call them and ask how you were.

But you know what. You don't care. Now, it's not about me. It's about the pain you feel for her. Did she know? How could she not? She shared your bed. Like i did.

All those tears.

All dried out. Finally.

But i hate myself still. I want to stop caring. I want to say, "Fuck off and go to hell"

I probably should.

I don't think you ever wanted me the way i wanted you. It was one sided on my part.

Thanks. For everything and nothing at all.