Time

It's strange how karma bites back at you.

All it takes is one decision and wuh-pish! it slaps you right in the face one morning.

Today, i woke up after an awesome time with my colleagues and realized i missed the awesome times i had with some very special people.

I am so masochistic, but who isn't to some degree? Like i told someone yesterday, it's like the wall is right in front of me; a huge red brick wall, 10 inches thick, and yet i run and slam myself against it over and over and over again.

I should stop reading their blogs, because reading them cuts me like a knife knowing that i am not missed like they are, knowing that there is no difference whether i was there or not.

Fir, you were right. I hate that you are, but i don't regret my decision. I only regret how it has slowed me down. I regret that i have lost all of you in the process.

And my biggest regret? How you have all moved on.

I keep telling myself that i have moved on to better things, but this is turning out to not be my year.

I fucked up so many times i am amazed i am still alive.

I'm writing this because this will probably be the last post on this blog. There really is no reason for me to write on this blog anymore.

Nobody reads it, people who know me talk to me to the point where they don't need to read this blog. People who don't probably don't care.

I really should quit whining and get on with my life.

Tomorrow. I will do it. I will be strong and put all that behind me.

I will finally be me.