Wishing and Hoping
Today... didn't really go great...
i have some free time now, so i'm blogging...
i really wish i didn't blog just to rant, but oh well, i have to scream.
Sometimes, i really look at my life and wonder, What makes my life so great and meaningful that i have to carry on living? Sure, i'm healthy and shit, but there are people in a worse condition than me that actually have the will to survive...
And what do i have?
Parents that don't think i am old enough to make my own decisions.
I was talking to a friend i just made, that my parents kick up a fuss when i come home late, and that i didn't tell them that i joined the FHM thing, and i can't tell my parents i go clubbing.
She gave me this look, that made me feel like i was 3. "You're 23 right? And you can't tell your parents you go clubbing?"
Sometimes, i really wish i wasn't born into this life. I have to lie to get happy... They just can't accept the truth!
Little things, they choose to remember. Like i was supposed to be home at 3+, 4. And i got back at 6. My father CLAIMED that i said lunchtime. And kicked up a big fuss about me not "keeping my promise". Since when did i promise them anything?
And they ALWAYS exaggerate, overstate, and amplify little things that shouldn't be.
They ask me to show them respect. What the F*ck do they think i have been doing? I want to club, drink, go out, wreak havoc and paint the town red. But i don't. because they don't like me to.
I go CNY visiting with them, to see all the relatives i'd rather not see. willingly. And they say that they are the ones that have to drag me to see them. I could easily have retorted, or not gone with them and went out instead.
Little things i do, that they never see. And will probably never see.
Why can't they just trust me?
posted by •°o.O( gen )O.o°• @ 2/17/2006 10:06:00 PM
3 Comments:
hey, i just surfed in randomly, and realised that you're one of the fhm girls. anyway, just wanted to say that i think that you're pretty and quite sweet.
on to my main point: i read somewhere that no matter what our parents do, they're bound to screw us up.
i feel exactly the same way about my parents as you do about yours. in a way, feel like i've done everything to be the perfect child, and yet it never quite seems to be enough. i'm 1 year older than you, and i can say, the only way to resolve this situation, is simply to choose your battles. accept that they're not really going to change now. all you can do is point out their errors in what they say once in a while (to stand up and score points for your own ego, hehe) although you should always do this in a polite and logical way as possible, because they're going to disagree with you anyway.
honestly, one major bust up about staying out late, etc will be better than trying to hide and be the 'good girl' forever. you need to break out of the chains so to speak. parents will always see you as the small child they even had to teach to tie your shoelaces. you need to show them that you're an adult. but you also have to show that you can handle the responsibility on your part by not coming home trashed (which i'm sure you won't).
finally, one day i'm sure you'll have beautiful kids of your own, and no matter what you do to be a perfect mum, they're going to become teenagers and hate you too. try to see things from a different perspective and try to focus on the love in the love-hate relationship. our parents actions are infuriating, but their intentions aren't.
best of luck from a fellow sufferer! hehe.
sorry, i meant that their actions may infuriate you, but their intentions are kind, if you know what i mean.
Well... strangely, my sister seems to be shadow of you right now some years ago...
It was only when she had a real talkdown with my mum, and later on, my dad, that family life became a little... normal for her...
Now and then, my sister always gets a little pissed at how fussy my parents are, and the stringent curfews they sometimes impose, but in the end, she just waves it away like it's nothing. For my parents though, it's some sort of hidden concern for her.
It's just a personal experience and everyone experiences similiar yet very different things throughout their life. Just hopes it helps a bit though...
Cheer up, man, and the gang should go out once in a while...
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